Here is next week’s horoscope for your sign.

It doesn’t matter when you read it, or which sign you are, as horoscopes are all made up.

Everybody knows that astrologers are basically assholes with too much time on their hands and most horoscope writers are failed writers and barely functioning alcoholics.

I mean that in a good way.

As for you being a horrible person — don’t worry, I’m sure that you’re lovely.

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